It’s been four years since Peter Kay was last on TV, barring a couple of guest stints in Coronation Street and Doctor Who and the odd charity record for Comic Relief. Now he returns in a special one-off show, sending up pretty much every talent show in Britain for the past five years. “Britain’s Got the Pop Factor” (or to give it its rather exhaustive full title, “Peter Kay’s Britain’s Got the Pop Factor … and Possibly a New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly on Ice”) is basically a combination of The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent – cringeworthy auditions, the ubiquitous judging panel and of course the nail-biting “live” final.
The Mad, Bad And Merely Deluded
No aspect of a talent show is left unmocked, from the judges letting down unsuccessful contestants gently (“Goodbye. And if you see us in the street, keep walking.”) to a throwaway remark by thoroughly over-excited host Cat Deeley (“84% of the population are tuning in, which is more people than actually own television sets in Britain!”). From the contestants that never made it past the first audition and cannot understand why (cue muscled security guard moving in to protect the judges from the ranting “glamorous grannies” in miniskirts) to the medley of songs the three final acts perform, it’s all in glorious nearly-bad taste.
How Good Does Peter Kay Look as a Woman?
Kay’s real master stroke, however, is the three finalists – R Wayne (the north east’s answer to R Kelly), 2 Up 2 Down (two sisters in wheelchairs and their husbands) and Geraldine, played in glittering technicolor drag by Kay himself. Initially unsuccessful at the boot camp stage because his story was just not sad enough, R Wayne returns triumphantly after his grandmother dies and claws his way through to the final. Easily qualifying on the tragedy front (a tandem jet ski accident at Niagara Falls) 2 Up 2 Down appear to be a combination of last year’s X Factor finalists, squeaky-clean Same Difference, and 80s pop group Bucks Fizz. Larger-than-life Northern Irish lass Geraldine, it turns out, used to be Gerald, which neatly explains her useful vocal range, as well as guaranteeing tabloid headlines.
Written and produced by Kay, “Britain’s Got the Pop Factor” also features a host of star cameos, including Geraldine’s memorable duet with Sir Paul McCartney. Lavish production values ensure the “reality” never falters, and, as with any good talent show, the winner’s debut single (entitled, of course, “The Winner’s Song”) is in all good record shops now. A few too many obscenities mar what could have been an excellent show for all the family.
Oh, and the winner? Geraldine, of course, although her victory was somewhat spoiled when she choked on a piece of confetti in the midst of her triumphant final performance. Get well soon …
